I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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