just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
