i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
