i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
