he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
