Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
