New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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