seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
