Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
