I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
