im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
