i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
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You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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