Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
