Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
