you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
