ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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