his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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