There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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