Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
