chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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