The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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