I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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