like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
