So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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