.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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