Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
