I'm drive I can fine osifer
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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