I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
