Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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