Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I could fuck to npr.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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