Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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