Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
