i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
