I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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