You just made me feel so damn special
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
