So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
