The police scanner is talking about you again....
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
