Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
