after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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