just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
