after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
