Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i love accidental penises.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
