You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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