those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
