How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
