My Higher Power is John Stamos
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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