Me too!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
