Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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