how can u be prego again
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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