he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
