I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She bit a glass in half.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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