I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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