what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
