considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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