I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
