the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
