i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
