You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
