If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
