I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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