well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
