omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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