I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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