He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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