So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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