we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
