Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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