I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
