Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize