So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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