i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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