he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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