What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
