Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
