I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
