Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
