will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
