Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
